A message from the Director

At KARE our mission is to end child abuse and neglect through advocacy, education and support. We offer programs that strengthen families by providing resources and tools parents and relative caregivers need in raising their children. We offer specific services to families that have experienced abuse situations, and we provide programs that prevent problems before they occur. In short, we meet families where they are.

As part of our effort to reach families, we publish a monthly article on parenting issues in The Mountaineer. Our most recent article can be viewed below. We hope that you will find this information useful and thought provoking. If you would like more information on this topic or have questions about other parenting issues, please contact us @ 456-8995.

Thank you for your interest in KARE.

Yours in service to our children,

Theresa Morgan

TEMPER TANTRUMS! WHAT NOW?

Most children really thrive on security, boundaries, routines and consistent order. They don't usually enjoy chaos, drama, and irregularity any more than you do - even though it doesn't always appear like that! If your child has moved into a phase of having temper tantrums, and you are at a loss of how to deal with them, you’re not alone. Many parents find this phase of development overwhelming or confusing.

WHY DO THEY DO IT?

With toddler tantrums it is likely a response to frustration. It helps to remember that toddlers are beginning to understand a lot of the words they hear, yet their inability to respond in language is very limited. When a toddler can't express how he feels or what he wants, frustration is his natural response, over which he has no control.

Children at this age are also testing limits, and may react with tantrums as a way to push limits and see how far they can go.

WHAT CAN I DO?

The following are some suggestions of ways to cut back on tantrums and help provide some relief for both you and your child.

Pay attention
Often toddler tantrums can be avoided if parents are tuned in to their child's situations. Try not to push them past their coping points around food, drinks, or sleep times. Often as parents we expect a great deal more than our youngsters are capable of.

Communicate
Prepare them by communicating clearly what's ahead and what you expect. "We will be leaving the playground in five minutes." Often toddler tantrums can be averted by an alert parent on the look out and tuned into their toddlers' signs.

Remember - You are the parent!
Once they have begun to tantrum, know that your child would prefer to be in control and is already frightened by his powerful emotions. Don’t take it personally! Instead, try to respond instead of reacting. When dealing with an angry, struggling toddler, parents need to show that they can accept a child’s feelings while guiding them to learn other way’s of expressing them.

Be Consistent
Be clear, firm and consistent in the way you deal with your toddler. This way he has clear emotional boundaries around him. No matter how long the tantrum continues, don't give in to unreasonable demands or try to negotiate with your toddler. This will only teach him to throw a tantrum to get what he wants.

Try to take him out of the situation if you are in public to prevent it escalating, or you giving in. Stay quietly with him. Don’t continue to talk with him during times when he/she is upset, this may only increase the behavior.

Follow Up
Once the tantrum is over, don’t just forget about it. Talk about it when your toddler is calm.
Reassure him by acknowledging what happened. Help him express his feelings by mirroring his words for him. For instance, "You felt angry because you wanted something you couldn't have. Now you are quiet let's talk about what we can do about that". Make sure you set firm limits on what you will and will not accept. For example, “I do not like it when you hit. Hitting is not okay. We need to learn how to calm down without hitting.” Try to give them alternatives, such as, “I like it when you go to the corner and sit down instead.”

Remember, tantrums are usually a normal childhood phase of exploring limits and dealing with emotions that are new to them. Learning how to handle and express anger without becoming destructive or hurtful is an important lesson for any person, child or adult. Remembering to be consistent and set firm limits will help your child develop this important skill of self-regulation early on, and may avoid more aggression and tantrums as they get older.

For more information, visit http://www.consistent-parenting-advice.com/toddler-tantrums.html or contact staff with Parents As Teachers at KARE: 828-456-8995.