A message from the Director

At KARE our mission is to end child abuse and neglect through advocacy, education and support. We offer programs that strengthen families by providing resources and tools parents and relative caregivers need in raising their children. We offer specific services to families that have experienced abuse situations, and we provide programs that prevent problems before they occur. In short, we meet families where they are.

As part of our effort to reach families, we publish a monthly article on parenting issues in The Mountaineer. Our most recent article can be viewed below. We hope that you will find this information useful and thought provoking. If you would like more information on this topic or have questions about other parenting issues, please contact us @ 456-8995.

Thank you for your interest in KARE.

Yours in service to our children,

Theresa Morgan

Parenting-Back to the Basics

The good and bad news today is there is a multitude of parenting information available. Parents can become so overwhelmed and confused about the “right way to parent” that it makes their head spin. There are a few basic core parenting tools that remain true and invaluable. For example, “Say what you mean and mean what you say! Tell your child what your expectations are specifically, respectfully, and age appropriately. Be consistent in communicating to your children what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior. Children need to know what their limits and boundaries are to be happy, secure and successful. When they do obey –Praise them!

Here are a few more basic parenting tips:

• Children get rewarded for good behavior (encouragement): Playing nicely; helping out; not interrupting when you’re talking; sharing; putting away their toys. Take time to notice the “little” positive things that your child does, and make a point of saying “Honey, thanks for picking up your clothes, that’s great!”

• Establish boundaries: Establish boundaries that work for you and stick with them 100 percent — with consistency. If bedtime is 8 p.m., then 8 p.m. means bedtime, so don’t buy into manipulation and negotiations. Remember that life is full of boundaries: As adults, we don’t interrupt when someone is talking and we certainly don’t throw food around a dinner table. It’s up to you to teach your young child these basic boundaries at an early age.

• Do not feel that you always need to play with your children: Teach them that it’s okay to play on their own; they become more independent and creative this way. You may have to direct them to an activity and get them started, however be sure to move away so that children can learn to entertain themselves.

• Do not feel the need to always buy stuff for your children: They’ll learn to appreciate the simple things in life and become better human beings because of that (beware of overindulging and entitlement). Try having your child learn to “earn” certain items by doing certain basic “life chores,” such as tidying up his room, with the help of a reward chart.

• It's okay to say no: Children are actually fine with a “no.” If they want to go to the park, the pool, and you don’t, it’s okay to say no. They won’t feel cheated, deprived or unloved with no’s. They’ll actually learn that this world offers both yes's and no's.

• Choices: Offer your children a choice out of two — that way they still feel they have some independence, but at the same time you’re in charge. Keep things simple: If you’re in a restaurant, don’t give your 3- to 6-year-old a menu; instead tell them they have a choice between two items.

• Doing everything for your kids may make you feel happier, fulfilled and more loved, but it certainly does not prepare them for the real world: It’s important to show your children that life isn’t simply a “free ride” and you can illustrate this by not catering to their every demand, and at the same time have them doing certain tasks on their own (such as putting on their shoes or carrying their own backpack to daycare or school).

• Be a parent to your child and not a friend: Children have lots of friends, but they only have one or two parents. It is up to you to teach them basic life skills: manners, social etiquette and responsibility. (Sharon Pieters-http://www.childminded.com)

Whether behaving or misbehaving, children will always get the attention they crave but it is much more gratifying for both the parent and the child if it is Positive Attention! Parents can never supply too many hugs, kisses, and smiles along with letting them know how much we love them!

If you would like more information about this or other parenting topics, call KARE at 456-8995, ext. 203.