A message from the Director

At KARE our mission is to end child abuse and neglect through advocacy, education and support. We offer programs that strengthen families by providing resources and tools parents and relative caregivers need in raising their children. We offer specific services to families that have experienced abuse situations, and we provide programs that prevent problems before they occur. In short, we meet families where they are.

As part of our effort to reach families, we publish a monthly article on parenting issues in The Mountaineer. Our most recent article can be viewed below. We hope that you will find this information useful and thought provoking. If you would like more information on this topic or have questions about other parenting issues, please contact us @ 456-8995.

Thank you for your interest in KARE.

Yours in service to our children,

Theresa Morgan

Basics of Parent Communications

Virginia Satir, a family therapist said, “The greatest gift I can receive from anyone is to be seen by them, to be heard by them, to be understood by them, and to be listened to.”

The ability to effectively and positively communicate feelings, wants, needs, joys, hurts, and ideas is a learned skill that we are taught as children. In Positive Parenting of Teens prepared by Karin Ihnen of University of Minnesota Extension Service it states that “Good communication is very likely the most important aspect of building healthy relationships. Communication within your family is essential and can make a difference in everyone’s life.” Parents begin communicating with their children when they are just babies. Parents react to their baby when they cry by feeding them, changing them, soothing them and speaking to them while engaged in these acts of care giving. These basic actions that we may take for granted are the beginnings of a communication pattern you are developing with your child. Communication includes active listening by the parent to determine what type of cry it is. Is your baby tired, hungry, or does he/she need a diaper change. Secondly, our body language, consciously or unconsciously is accessed to convey messages of concern or caring to our children through gentle touches, kisses, hugs or rocking them to soothe them. As a child matures the methods of communication change but the basic need to be heard and understood is still present into adulthood.

"You never listen to me" is a complaint heard as often from children as parents. Good communication helps children and parents develop confidence, feelings of self-worth, and good relationships with others. Try these tips:

• Teach children to listen... gently touch a child before you talk... say their name.
• Speak in a quiet voice... whisper sometimes so children have to listen... they like this.
• Look a child in the eyes so you can tell when they understand... bend or sit down... become the child's size.
• Practice listening and talking: talk with your family about what you see on TV, hear on the radio or see at the park or store. (Talk with your children about school and their friends.)
• Respect children and use a courteous tone of voice. If we talk to our children as we would our friends, our youngsters may be more likely to seek us out as confidants.
• Catch children and teens being good. Praise them for cooperating with you or their siblings, or for doing those little things that are so easy to take for granted.
• Use door openers that invite children to say more about an incident or their feelings. "I see," "Oh," "tell me more," "No kidding," "Really," "Mmmmhmmmmm," "Say that again, I want to be sure I understand you."
• Praise builds a child's confidence and reinforces communication. Unkind words tear children down and teach them that they just aren't good enough.
• Children are never too old to be told they are loved. Saying "I love you" is important. Writing it in a note provides the child with a reminder that he can hold on to.
• Give your undivided attention when your children want to talk to you. Don't read, watch TV, fall asleep or make yourself busy with other tasks. (www.kidsource.com)

Finally, a good-natured sense of humor is a great communication tool that can immediately diffuse a tense situation! Laughter is a great stress reducer, can foster a positive and hopeful outlook and can sometimes add some perspective to a situation that is becoming too serious unnecessarily.

If you would like more information about this or other parenting topics, call KARE at 456-8995, ext. 203.